The Internet Was Even More Bonkers Than Usual This Week

Photo: VALERIE MACON/AFP/Getty Images.

Maybe Adam Pally was right: We're living in hell. There's nothing I slurp up more readily than absurd drama between internet celebrities, but this week felt like a particularly heightened version of the dystopian nightmare we as a society are steadily hurdling towards. There's no reason you should be keeping up with any of it, per se, but if you are also weirdly fascinated by internet culture, or need something to talk about with your 13-year-old niece, or just want to feel better about yourself in comparison, then I've tried to break down the three main internet beefs currently unfolding below.
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Bhad Bhabie vs. Woah Vicky & Lil Tay

Who are they?

Bhad Bhabie is the rap name for 15-year-old Danielle Bregoli, who you probably know best as "Cash Me Ousside" girl. Woah Vicky is 18-year-old Victoria Waldrip. Lil Tay is nine.

What's happening?

The exact origin of this feud cannot be pinpointed, but thanks to the sleuthing work of Jezebel, we can perhaps blame it on a good old fashioned rivalry between the two musicians, fueled by alleged racial slurs. All of this culminated in an almost-fight outside a shopping mall (?).

Lil Tay is just kind of there for all of this, but had a lot to say after the fact in defense of Woah Vicky. The two appear to have some kind of alliance. I don't know.

"Broke ass bitch, you can't fight for shit and you a bitch," Lil Tay said in a video directed to Bregoli. "Go back to beating up your mom on Dr. Phil." She is nine!!!!!!!!

Why do I care?

Because at this rate, one of these women will probably end up president!

Lil Miquela vs. Bermuda

Who are they?

Well, first off, they aren't real, but it just gets stranger from there. The best way to describe Lil Miquela and Bermuda is "Sims characters who have Instagrams," except we don't know who is controlling them. Lil Miquela, aka Miquela Sousa aka it does not matter because she is not real, is meant to be a Brazilian-American 19-year-old influencer — and that's true! She has a million followers and is depicted via some impressive graphic design skills wearing all types of fashionable outfits hawking legit designers. She also is vocal about progressive movements like LGBTQ rights and Black Lives Matter.

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Enter Bermuda, the polar opposite of Lil Miquela. She's a white Tomi Lahren-type character who is heavily conservative and loud about it. Her first post was back in September, but recently, she decided to start some drama. Or, maybe, drama started itself.

What's happening?

From what I can deduce, Bermuda's damage seems to be rooted in a mystery that's still unfolding. In order to pressure Lil Miquela to "come clean," Bermuda hacked Lil Miquela's account, posting, according to Motherboard, messages like this:

“Hi guys! Bermuda here. Soooo... you’re being lied to by a fake a*s person. Literally who is buying this for one second? Apparently a lot of you. …Sorry, Miquela. I tried to DM, I tried to call but you ‘stay curving’ me. You brought this on yourself, girl

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