At a panel on cyber-bulling at South by Southwest, Kesha spoke about how she’s struggled with her self-image over the years, at times battling an eating disorder and, at other moments, working to block out the hateful comments she gets online. Too often, she told the audience at SXSW, she used to let the internet trolls get to her without realizing she ultimately held control. “You’re making people you don’t know your higher power,” she said, according to Billboard. “I was making trolls, I was making bullies, I was making people I had never met before – who were projecting their insecurities on me, on the internet – I was making them the truth, the higher power,” she added.
Kesha, as has been widely reported, has been involved a prolonged legal battle with producer Dr. Luke, whom she accused of drugging her and sexually assaulting as part of a plot to control her by emotionally abusing her. Dr. Luke has denied the allegations and countered by saying that Kesha wants to slander him and get out of her recording contract. Though she didn’t mention Dr. Luke or her legal challenges, Kesha said that she’s been working nonstop on music, recording 70 to 80 songs, and adding that, “I have a lot to talk about.”
In another sobering moment in the discussion with Refinery29’s Amy Emmerich, Kesha opened up about her struggle with an eating disorder. According to People, the pop star became visibly upset when speaking on the subject, saying that “People don’t want to talk about eating disorders … and I just want people to know that they are not alone. It is not your fault and it is not a weakness. It is a disease.” She added that whereas she previously used to be embarrassed to speak about it, she now wants to openly discuss it since it almost killed her.
“I almost died. I came closer than I ever knew,” she said, according to People. “By the time I entered rehab, they were surprised I hadn’t had a stroke – because I hadn’t consumed enough. I’m not ashamed anymore. It’s emotional because it’s a deep-rooted disease. It can really affect your self-worth.”
But there were also some lighthearted moments in the panel. Kesha said she also spent her 30th birthday in Africa and came to a small realization: “The day I turned 30 I was on safari and I saw two lions having sex and I thought, ‘I think my 30s are going to be dope.’”